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May the words of
my mouth and the meditation of all our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O
God, for you are our strength and our Redeemer. Amen.
Today’s
reading from Corinthians feels like we’ve shot forward to Easter. Paul talks
about the death and resurrection of Jesus and plenty of preachers will lean
that way this morning. It makes sense. As Christians, the Easter message of
Christ’s death and resurrection is the biggest piece of good news that we have!
It’s our Gospel! Why wouldn’t we talk about it every chance that we get? We
could and we should!
But
there is a little nugget in verse 10 from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians that
appears to have been glossed over, overshadowed by Christianity’s most
important event. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward
me has not been in vain.” Just before this line, Paul shows his doubts and
expresses his unworthiness to stand in the presence of a God of such great
mercy and grace. When Paul refers to himself as “one untimely born,” he uses
harsh language to contrast his own worth in the presence of the wondrous gift
of the God’s resurrection of Christ. But still, he recognizes that by God’s
grace he is able to stand with confidence in God’s presence. “I am what I am”,
he says.
I
am what I am. It’s quite the statement. It can have some negative connotations
to it, as in “I am what I am and there’s nothing you or I can do about it.” I
am what I am so just live with it. Sounds pretty negative when said a certain
way. But “I am what I am” can also be a statement of courage in oneself. A lot
of people struggle to accept themselves. Perhaps they have been bullied, or
abused, or fall outside societal norms, or know they are different but can’t or
won’t name it, or have experienced rejection from friend, family, or church. To
say to yourself “I am what I am” is one of the hardest things to do. And even
if you can say it to yourself, can you say it to everyone else? Can you push
aside how you are treated by the public so that you can live the life that you
love, to be the person that you are? Many, I might even throw out the word
most, people struggle with this on a daily basis. Instead of being themselves,
they push it down (whatever “it” might be) and try to live how their friends,
family, society, want them to be. Deciding to live by the phrase “I am what I
am” will determine the state of your relationships.
In
the case of the verse in question, Paul is putting his trust in God’s grace and
that he knows that relationship has not been in vain. I am what I am, and God
loves me anyway. Living as yourself strengthens your relationship with God,
even if it weakens it with others. I can tell you that many people in the
2SLGBTQIA+ community, especially the transgender community, especially now,
struggle with this question. Being told they are an abomination, they go
against nature, they go against God…eventually it becomes easier to hide than
to take the bullying and negativity. But one can only hide for so long before
it eats away at you. When you hear “no” enough times, you begin to believe it.
For
queer Christians, for transgender Christians, for non-binary Christians, there
is a battle raging on whether or not they will be accepted by church peers, and
more importantly by God. But verse 10 here can be used to reassure us all that
God does indeed love us and accepts us, just the way we are. “But by the grace
of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me has not been in vain.”
I
came out as transgender near the end of my ordination process and wondering if
I would be accepted by other Christians was constantly on my mind. Most
especially as I went into one of my final meetings with Bishop Don as he had
the power to halt the process and turn me away. I kept hearing Paul’s words, “I
am what I am”, but I also took Isaiah to heart, “Then I heard the voice of the
Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am
I; send me!” In my heart, I just kept saying those words, “Here am I, send me!”
God gives us strength when we accept our call. In the midst of fear, anxiety, and
uncertainty, God is with us. God was with me that day in the bishop’s office
and I knew that God’s grace towards me had not been in vain.
So,
in the midst of the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty that is exploding around us,
here I am, still standing before you. I am what I am. God’s grace exists for me
just as much as it does for you. I am what I am by the grace of God in a
private capacity and upon a level with other Christians. I am a chosen vessel
of salvation, not by works, nor on account of faith, or any holiness on my
part, but by the grace of God. I am regenerated, called, sanctified, justified,
pardoned, and adopted by God’s grace. I am a believer in Christ through faith,
as a gift of God's grace, and have the hope of eternal life. I am what I am – a
minister of the Gospel, a disciple – and I am in this office purely by the
grace of God. I did nothing to earn God’s grace and love except to be who I am
– a child of God in the perfect way that God made me. I pray that you can say
the same for yourself and to yourself, with strength and with courage, knowing
that God will never turn you away.
God’s
grace works in and through us, shaping our lives so that we, too, can mirror
the love and redemption that Christ demonstrated, living with purpose according
to his word. I am what I am. You are what you are. We are what we are. And God
loves us anyway, today and forever more.
Amen.
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